Blind Miscalculation
by JediTears09
Summary: Nadja loses his glasses, and thanks to his relative blindness and a little too much liquor, makes a terrible miscalculation. Rated T for brief suggestive content and mild language.


_A/N: This is based on the anime, not the game, and I'm not sure how much they line up, so a few things might be off, such as the spelling of their names. Regardless, there is an appalling lack of Nadja fanfiction! Personally, he's my favorite character, so I hope that I've done him justice. Please enjoy, and I would be ever so grateful if you took the time to review!_

. . .

Blind Miscalculation

. . .

It was only nine in the morning, and already Nadja could tell that it was going to be a very long day.

He had woken up in a bed that was slightly too small for his lanky frame, in a little inn in the… autumn continent? Truthfully, he wasn't really sure where they were; the World Destruction Committee had been running around in circles lately, and Nadja and Lia had been faithfully pursuing them, to the point of exhaustion.

After indulging in a brief stretching of his cramped limbs, he had rolled over and reached for his glasses, which should have been on the bedside table. His hand, still clumsy from sleep, brushed over his scarf and gloves, Lia's hairclips, then knocked over a candlestick, which clattered noisily to the ground.

Lia woke from a dead sleep and leapt from her bed with a snarl, and Nadja found himself with the muzzles of her guns crushing his jugular.

"Ah, sorry, Lia," he rasped, his voice still groggy. Nadja was not a morning person. Not at all.

Lia growled, and took a second longer than was really necessary to withdraw her guns. Nadja rubbed his throat as he watched her blurry shape collapse back onto her bed, weapons still in hand.

As quietly as he could, he stood up and bent over the bedside table. It wasn't as though he was _blind_, or anything. So long as he retained an approximate three-inch distance from any given object, it was in focus enough to tell what it was. After several sweeps of the table, he ascertained that his glasses were definitely not there. He meticulously checked the floor, the bed, and (holding his breath) under Lia's bed. He almost had a heart attack when her hand twitched over the trigger of her gun, which was inches away from his left ear.

Deciding that this was no longer a safe environment, he grabbed the rest of his clothes and got dressed in the hallway. Whoever was staying in the next room opened the door with the intention to leave, only to find a half-dressed, half-beast man blocking their way. Judging by the high-pitched shriek and the way they darted back into their room, he guessed that it was a young woman. Nadja hastily buckled his belt and jogged down the stairs, not wanting to be accused of some kind of sexual harassment – he would never hear the end of it from Lia.

Once downstairs, he quite literally bumped into the owner of the place.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir, I didn't see you."

He was a beast man, and a rather squat and hairy one at that. He looked as though he thought the remark was a crack at his height- Nadja was at least two feet taller than him- and grunted dismissively.

"Don't worry yourself, no harm done. I hope you are finding your stay here satisfactory."

"Yes, quite. I wondered if I could trouble you for a moment? I seem to have lost my glasses, you see. You haven't found a pair, have you?"

"No, I'm sorry, I haven't."

"Oh…" Nadja sighed. "Well, if you do, please let me know."

He wandered into the pub, ordered a coffee, subtly poured a little sand-sea liquor in it for good measure (who was he kidding, he emptied half the flask), and sat down at a table near the window.

_Where could I have left them? I clearly remember having them on when we came in here, but I was so exhausted, I don't remember anything after paying for the room…_

Nadja downed the last of his drink, left a few coins on the table, and stepped outside. The warmth of the sun's light was quickly drawn away from his pale skin by a cool breeze, which told him that they were indeed on the autumn continent. It had always been Nadja's favorite continent, and he felt a brief twinge of regret that they wouldn't have the opportunity to visit Galoa. It had been a long time since Nadja had had the leisure time to simply sit down with a good book in the familiar library.

He closed his eyes, and took a few minutes to enjoy the feel of the sun and the smell of the wind. When he opened them again, the whole landscape was a blur of oranges and yellows, and Nadja really wished he knew where his glasses were. It irked him that he couldn't remember where he had left them, and he was completely helpless without them.

Thinking that he should probably invest in a spare, Nadja went back inside, and carefully made his way up the stairs. Two cloaked people, probably a woman and her child judging by the size of their hazy forms, were coming down the stairs, and Nadja pressed his back up against the wall in order to let them pass.

Nadja stumbled a little on the top step- he had forgotten how strong that particular draft was, and was slightly ashamed to find himself just a little tipsy. The fact that he was half blind really didn't help his coordination, either. The two people he had just past whispered something to each other from the bottom of the stairs, no doubt speculating about what a drunkard he was, and Nadja growled to himself about nosy civilians. He stalked across the rough wooden floorboards to the bathroom at the end of the hallway, and splashed some cold water over his face and neck.

It had been too long since Nadja had had any quality relaxation time, any opportunities to let off some steam, and it was evidently beginning to get to him. He was displeased with himself; he was so proud of his cool, calculating composure, and those World Destruction punks were really pulling at his already frayed nerves.

He guessed that enough time had elapsed for Lia to be awake, and decided to go back to the room. He stepped out of the bathroom, and stared blankly at the six doors facing him, three on each side of the hall. He knew it was either the first door on the right or the left, but which one evaded his memory. Taking a guess, he quietly turned the doorknob of the right-hand door, opened it a few inches, and peeked through the gap. A blonde figure was sitting on the far bed, back to the door, bent over, putting on their shoes.

Nadja grinned at the sight of Lia, suddenly feeling very playful. He wouldn't call Lia his girlfriend, or anything, but they had been known to fool around on occasion. After all, who could blame them – the World Salvation Committee gig was a lonely one, she was beautiful, and he was pretty damn sexy himself.

He crouched slightly, lithe silver tail twitching back and forth, and then leapt over the first bed, landing gracefully on the second. Lia turned around, but before she could say anything, Nadja had already rolled off the bed and thrown an arm around her, pressing her body flush against his.

"What are you-" she tried to protest, but Nadja cut her off by pressing his lips against hers in a passionate kiss.

A second went by, then two.

Something was wrong.

Something was very, very wrong.

The chest pressed against his was flat and muscular, the lips that he was kissing were chapped and thin; when he opened his eyes, he saw that the eyes, precisely three inches away from his, were blue-grey and terrified.

Nadja froze. He had made a terrible miscalculation.

The blonde pulled away, and shoved Nadja, hard. He was thrown back, and fell onto the bed, where he didn't bother to move from.

"N-Nadja, what the h-h-hell was that?" The panicked voice of Kyrie Illunis came from the slim blonde figure that Nadja had so hastily assumed was Lia.

Nadja sat up, and Kyrie leapt back, afraid that he was out for seconds. Nadja dropped his head into his hands, and groaned, "This is the wrong room. How could I have gone into the wrong room?" His head snapped up to look at Kyrie's blurry form, scarlet eyes blazing. "What are you doing at this hotel, of all places? Why the hell didn't you say something? …You let me kiss you!"

"I- I- I- what are _you_ doing here? This is my room! Morte and Toppy left a few minutes ago, I overslept, and, and… that was my first kiss!" His voice sounded horrified, and Nadja felt a twinge of guilt.

"Just get out of here. Now, or I'll arrest you!" he barked.

Kyrie didn't need telling twice, grabbed his bag from the table, and streaked out of the room.

Nadja slumped back onto the bed, pulled a pillow over his face, and vaguely hoped that he would suffocate in his sleep.

. . .

Nadja was rudely awoken by someone punching him hard in the gut.

He sat up, wheezing for breath, only for Lia to slap him upside the head.

He rubbed his skull, and said piteously, "That hurt, Lia."

"Idiot!" she yelled.

"And what did I do to deserve this kind of abuse?"

"You know perfectly well what!"

"I'm sorry I woke you up, Lia, I really am, I had just-"

"Not that, moron! Think hard, what other stupid thing have you done today?"

"Oh…" He had almost forgotten – that wondrous brain of his must have used the thirty minutes he had been asleep to try to block out the memory already.

"How did you even find out?"

"The whole inn is talking about it! That World Destruction twerp must have blabbed to everyone, before they escaped, _again_."

Nadja moaned and tried to pull the blanket over his head.

Lia snarled and nearly yanked his arm out of his socket as she dragged him out of bed, across the room, and down the stairs. The entire bar erupted into raucous laughter as Nadja was drug out of the inn, and even the most murderous glare he could muster wasn't enough to silence them. Lia continued hauling him along in silence, and only stopped under a huge oak tree, once they were well out of sight of the inn.

"If you're going to kill me, I only ask that you do it quickly," Nadja sighed, holding his idiotic and dully aching head.

Lia surprised him by neither mauling nor murdering him. She merely stared at him with her arms folded, which was almost worse.

"Look, I'm sorry Lia. I lost my glasses, and I had a little spiked coffee, and I only kissed him because I thought he was you…" He immediately regretted saying that, as it could be construed as an insult to her femininity, or worse, a desperate plea for her affection.

Lia, however, actually laughed. She laughed hard. Nadja once again found himself wishing he had his glasses, as this was a rare thing, and he regretted not being able to see it. He contented himself with listening to her laugh- it had an almost melodic tone, and not at all psychotic, as it usually was. A genuine laugh.

Nadja smiled.

Lia wiped her slightly teary eyes on her sleeve, and then said, "Oh, I forgot. Here."

She pulled something out of her bag, and Nadja's world came into focus as Lia slid his glasses back onto his face.

Nadja, in a barely controlled voice, said, "You had them? _You_ had them? I spent all morning looking for those! I…" He smacked the heel of his hand against his own forehead, cursing the gods.

Lia sniffed, "It wasn't my fault. You passed out as soon as we got into the room. I know how useless you are without them, so I put them in my bag so they wouldn't get lost."

Nadja remembered how neatly his things had been laid out on the table when he got up that morning. He also recalled that he had awoken wearing only his undershirt and shorts, and tried to control the scarlet color that threatened to creep over his face as he realized that Lia had removed most of his garments the previous evening.

She, too, was blushing, and turned away from him, no doubt having a similar recollection.

Nadja darted around in front of her, and pulled her into a hug. She struggled to back away for a moment, but then stilled, and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him in return. He rested his chin on the top of her head, and said softly, "What would I do without you?"

He heard her mumble something into his chest that sounded like, "Probably walk off a cliff and get eaten by a sand whale, you blind twit."

Nadja chuckled, and pulled her just a little closer.


End file.
